| Lets pose a hypothetical question because we all know that thinking
about things we want to have or be is fun to think about. Lets say I
played sports, not just some sports, but basketball, football - you
know. the jock sports. Lets also say, i had to not worry about running
a mile in under 15 min. and finding dress pants that fit....ok, lets
just say i was very athletic. lets say i was the person you want me to
be, on top of all that. So, add it all up - Who Am I?
Thats exactly what the past 3 maybe 4 years have been about. Living up
to (is it a bird, a plane, or is it impossibility) the standards that
'they' have set for me has been hard to live by. Actually i havent
lived up to any of them. getting the 4.0, being like my parents were
(cheerleader, athlete big time), staying innocent....not giving the
student teacher the finger and not disagreeing with him even if his
wrong....whoops, i should watch my mouth next time...
My parents say that I am overweight and many of you, including me for
the most part, would agree....If you looked in our frige and cupboards
youd agree 100 percent, just dont tell my parents that because they
will say that you are all wrong....dont ever disagree with them by the
way...
Most of you would say im an asshole. Maybe thats just cause i was a
section leader and you werent which you would say is ok but no reason
for me to be an asshole. im an asshole cause i am not a highschool
section leader, in my eyes...in some eyes im a snare drummer though.
isnt that funny.
Im never gonna be skinny. thats a truth. Im never gonna be any of what
i mentioned above. Im not gonna be the perfect section leader and the
never-back-talker-er that some people want me to be. Im probably not
gonna be a model as far as looks. am im never...gonna be innocent, or
play sports. I have no idea what im going to become, which is truth in
both of what that statement means, and what it implies...that i dont
know what i am right now. Im not much of anything except a drummer, and
honestly, not all that of a great one. Thats honesty, not just getting
people to "feel" for me. I dont care.
I guess growing up means, growing up away from people. thats how it
seems/is. i guess im used to it, because while everyone else was paying
attention to their girlfriend or boyfriend, i was trying to figure out
what the hell happend. Always one step behind. if you read of all this
your either thinking something along the lines of "hes such a
highschooler" or, "have i seen this before"....or something like
those...if you have is what you call "sight" i would rather be blind
and thats the irony of all this. If you want to live, to truly be, then
why not try and make yourself.
It was nice to know you....but i am moving on, giving up. Whatever you want to call it.
just a memory....
It was nice to know you....
|
| |